At some point, the question comes.

A friend in class already has one.
Your child is staying later for activities.
Coordinating pickups would be easier.

In the U.S., about six-in-ten parents of 11- or 12-year-olds say their child has a smartphone of their own, with substantial increases beginning around ages 8–10.

But readiness isn’t just about logistics — it’s about skills.

Just as screen time requires balance, a first phone requires emotional regulation, judgment, and social awareness. Below is a research-informed checklist to help you reflect on whether those foundational skills are in place.

Emotional Regulation: Can They Pause Before Acting?

Impulse control is one of the strongest predictors of healthy digital behavior. Research consistently shows that children’s self-regulation skills are still developing throughout middle childhood and early adolescence.

Meanwhile, nearly half of teens report being online almost constantly, which can intensify reactive behaviors.

Consider whether your child:

• Can stop and think before responding to something exciting or upsetting
• Handles disappointment (losing a game, being left out) without spiraling
• Can walk away from a device when asked
• Recovers from frustration without prolonged conflict

If pausing is still difficult in everyday moments, it may be harder with a personal device.

Privacy Awareness: Do They Understand What Should Stay Private?

Pre-teens are still developing abstract reasoning — including the ability to think about long-term consequences. Research shows that many youth share information without fully grasping how widely it can spread or who can access it.

Reflect on whether your child:

• Knows what counts as personal information (full name, school, address, passwords)
• Understands that screenshots can be saved and forwarded
• Would ask before posting a photo of someone else
• Recognizes that public posts can reach unintended audiences

Phone ownership dramatically increases opportunities to share. Understanding boundaries beforehand matters.

Manipulation & Design Awareness: Can They Spot Digital Pressure?

Apps, games, and platforms are intentionally designed to maximize engagement — using autoplay, notification loops, and rewards that encourage fast decisions and repeated checking.

Developmental research on youth digital behavior highlights that children often prioritize social rewards over risk signals, which can influence choices around sharing and engagement.

Ask yourself:

• Can your child recognize when something feels “too good to be true”?
• Do they understand that not everyone online is who they claim to be?
• Can they identify when a message is creating urgency or pressure?
• Would they pause before clicking a suspicious link or offer?

The ability to detect manipulation reduces risk significantly.

Social Judgment: Can They Handle Online Dynamics?

Most phone-related challenges are social, not technical. Cyberbullying and peer conflict are very common — nearly half of U.S. teens report having experienced online harassment or bullying in national surveys.

Digital communication removes tone and context, increasing the likelihood of misunderstandings.

Consider whether your child:

• Can handle being left out without escalating the situation
• Avoids piling on or teasing when others do
• Feels comfortable asking a trusted adult for help
• Can disagree respectfully in text

Social maturity matters just as much as technical knowledge.

How to Think About the Results

If most of these skills are already present, your child may be ready — with clear structure and boundaries.

If several feel uncertain, that’s not a failure. It simply means certain skills need strengthening before adding a personal device.

Phone readiness isn’t about age alone.
It’s about practiced behaviors under pressure.

And the years before social media become central to daily life are an ideal window to build those habits intentionally.